Bold Love
by Dan Allender
When Love Looks Like Truth-Telling
Dr. Dan Allender’s Bold Love disrupts every tidy notion of Christian kindness. It invites us to reimagine love not as mere gentleness or tolerance, but as a fierce, truth-telling pursuit of restoration. For counselors, leaders, and survivors alike, this book offers a theological and psychological roadmap for relationships that refuse to settle for passivity or pretense. Allender, known for his groundbreaking work in trauma and relational redemption, challenges readers to consider love as something both costly and courageous—an act that mirrors God’s own willingness to engage the brokenness of humanity head-on.
For the Help[H]er community—where truth, justice, and compassion intersect—this book remains timeless. It speaks directly to those navigating the complexities of abuse recovery, church hurt, and relational repair. Allender’s insights dismantle the “peace-at-any-price” mindset and offer a theology of love that calls for integrity, confrontation, and reconciliation.
The Theology of Confronting Love
At its core, Bold Love grounds itself in Scripture’s call to love others as God loves us—relentlessly, but never without discernment. Allender and coauthor Tremper Longman III unpack biblical narratives where divine love means confrontation: Nathan rebuking David, Jesus overturning tables, Paul admonishing Peter. This isn’t a sentimental love that avoids conflict; it’s a holy one that risks discomfort for the sake of truth.
For people-helpers and ministry leaders, this redefinition of love is liberating. It corrects a misapplied gentleness that often leaves victims unprotected and sin unaddressed. Through theological precision and psychological depth, Allender outlines how godly love exposes evil, sets boundaries, and yet keeps the heart open to redemption. His call to “engage, not escape” mirrors the gospel pattern of incarnation—entering into another’s story, even when that story is messy or resistant.
Wisdom for Leaders and Counselors
For those guiding others through trauma, Bold Love becomes both mirror and map. Allender challenges caregivers to examine their motives: Are we seeking comfort or transformation? He outlines what he calls the “four faces of love”—from kindness and patience to boldness and confrontation—and demonstrates how misusing any one distorts the image of Christ.
Leaders will find this book invaluable for developing discernment in relational dynamics, especially in cases of abuse, betrayal, or spiritual manipulation. Allender’s clinical background brings clarity to common pitfalls: enabling harmful behavior under the guise of grace, or mistaking confrontation for cruelty. His wisdom reminds us that true love does not avoid hard conversations—it initiates them with humility and purpose.
Within the Help[H]er context, where advocates often walk alongside both victims and church leadership, this approach is crucial. It equips counselors to love courageously without losing compassion, to confront injustice without abandoning hope.
Hope for Victims and Survivors
For survivors of abuse, Bold Love validates something long felt but seldom affirmed—that love cannot coexist with deceit or control. Allender’s words bring theological relief: God does not call victims to endure harm in the name of love. Instead, He models a love that protects, restores, and refuses to enable sin.
Allender writes with empathy born from years of clinical practice, weaving psychology and Scripture into a deeply pastoral message: forgiveness is not reconciliation, and love is not compliance. Survivors will find language here for their boundaries and courage for their healing. God’s love, as portrayed in this book, is not passive—it is active, sustaining, and fiercely protective of the oppressed.
A Redemptive Vision for the Church
Ultimately, Bold Love offers a vision of community that mirrors God’s own heart—one where truth and mercy walk hand in hand. Its message calls the Church to stop confusing politeness with righteousness and to rediscover the prophetic power of love that speaks, acts, and restores.
As Allender writes, love without courage is sentimentality; courage without love is brutality. The world—and the Church—needs neither. What we need is bold love: the kind that confronts evil and still hopes for redemption.
As an Amazon Associate, Help[H]er may earn from qualifying purchases.
